Peculiar things People Say and Do

Warning: None of the following paragraphs have any relation to each other, and are not following any sort of order.

 

Bill and I have experienced a torrent of unusual statements from strangers since we’ve gotten to Ghana.  The most common of these is actually a question, and it comes in one of two forms followed by an assumption:  “Are you twins?” or ”Are you brother and sister?”  and once we answer in the negative, chuckling:  “Oh, then you must be married.”  This always excites Elvis, who says, “Ah!  Nature is wonderful!”  His explanation for this is “people see you together, acting like a unit, and you must either be twins or married, because those are usually the only people who are so close!”  followed by another exclamation that “nature is wonderful!”

Another thing that happens to us involves everyone’s wonderful pal, Louisa the Tantalizer.  She waits for us, hoping to sell us her gross-nasty muffins (and other baking abominations) or her dinners (which are actually really good).  However, every time we consent to purchase her goods (or bads, depending on what we’re buying this time) she tells us to “go and tantalize your bodies with this delicious, tantalizing treat.”  And then she tells us how much fun we’ll have if we come to her house, and proceeds to say to me “I like your body.  I like the way you’re… structured.”  Which is always uncomfortable.  Not to mention that she insists on calling Bill my husband.  (Which also excites and pleases Elvis, but then he tells us she’s gone nuts, rather than saying that nature is wonderful.  “She had a disappointment, I suspect, with a boyfriend… or a girlfriend.”  This statement is always followed by a thousand-yard stare into the middle of nowhere.)

“Maybe probably” is another of Elvis’s favorite terms.  This always confuses Bill, especially when Elvis says things like “maybe probably the water doesn’t always flow in Ghana because the water is only offered by one company, and the company does a bad job.”  However, he usually uses this statement to express his world-view, or things like, “maybe probably I would work for one hour, and then I would never work again,” (in reference to how much money Mitt Romney used to make in an hour).

The other day, Bill was carrying two bags of water sachets back from the night market when a guy on his little motor-scooter pulled up to him and mumbled something in Twi.  After being prompted for English several times, the guy said to him, “you alone bring all,” in reference to the water.  He then proceeded to smile, giggle, and drive away. 

Last night I went to the bathroom around midnight.  I only needed to be there for thirty seconds, but “Ghana Party” (as Bill and I refer to the sudden influx of 2-6 Ghanaians to the bathroom at one time, accompanied by lots of chatter) happened.  Being as awkward as I am, I hoped the two girls that entered would pee and leave without me ever leaving the stall and seeing them.  Instead, they ignored the two other empty stalls to talk to each other about how they hoped the stall I was occupying would be vacant soon, because they wanted to use that one.   I was annoyed by this, because there were 11 other bathrooms they could go to, and two perfectly good empty stalls in this one.  So, rather than hurry along, I pulled an ‘Occupy Wall Street’ and set up camp by pulling out my phone and starting a nice game of Tetris while I waited for them to leave.  Many complaints followed before they gave up and used the other stalls (which really were no better or worse than the one I was in), brushed their teeth, washed their faces, and left.  After all this, I’d been in there for at least fifteen minutes, and it was worth every second.

Another weird bathroom thing is the conversations that the Ghanaian chicks (we have yet to hear the guys do this) have with each other while they are using the bathroom (or just visiting their friends in the bathroom). It usually consists of one of them mumbling something in Twi, and the other, rather than making an actual reply, will just grunt or snort. And not just once, but for every couple lines of conversation, there will be a loud grumble that maybe probably signifies agreement with a statement.  “Unnnnnnnnnh.”  Like Frankenstein. 

A lot of times we’ll be relaxing in Bill’s room, eating or playing games (and sometimes homework, when we can’t put it off any longer), and we’ll hear horrendous shrieking from somewhere else in the hostel.  It never seems to accompany anything, and nobody ever investigates.  “SCREEEEEECH.”  The end. 

We’ve probably repressed a lot of other strange things, but I’m sure there will be plenty more for us to report on later.  Not much has happened for awhile; it’s been a quiet and frustrating few weeks, and we are ready to come back to America.  Happy Easter, everyone!